Reagan – Month 5 & Career Decisions
5 Months and we were still reeling from the sleep regression last month. At 5 months, I had to accept I no longer had a newborn and things had to change. I had kept telling myself that “this” was only temporary (this = no sleep) but I knew at this point, that if I didn’t change things…I was never going to sleep again.
At 5 months, we got serious about the moms on call schedule. We also started solid foods, as the kid was just blowing through breastmilk like it was her job. And after numerous momma’s recommended giving her food to help her sleep at night…I went for it. Now the doctors say there’s no scientific evidence that cereal or solids will help a baby sleep at night. BUT…we fed that kid cereal and she slept 7 hours. It may be coincidence but I’ll take it….whatever gets us some sleep for more than 3/4 hours in a row. Because not only were we sleep deprived but we were facing a pretty major crossroads in our life and had to make a decision.
The product I had been working with for 7 years had been acquired..again. I knew that it was coming (a lovely call I got at 34 weeks pregnant…that went over well) and I knew at the end of 2016 I was part of a transition team until the sale was final. The staff was on pins and needles, as most people are when they’re told they could be potentially laid off if they’re not hired by the purchasing company. However I knew the company, I knew the management, and I had a pretty good feeling I was going to be offered at least a lateral position of a job, if not a raise.
The question was…did I want it?
What I didn’t expect was to be offered my dream corporate job. The job I had been working for at said company for 7 years now. The job I had dreamed of when I first started out in corporate America…that one day, I could be “that” woman in the company. It was everything I had ever wanted. It was creative, innovative, and I would be managing an entire division. It was a big girl job to say the least.
But we had to move to Arizona.
And I’d have to give up my freelance clients.
And after much debate…and worry…and prayer…and debate….we decided to go. It was a job that would change our path forever and give me the ability to provide for my family in a way I never dreamed of. Thomas was on board and we began plotting.
48 hours later…something happened. Something inside me clicked like it never had before. It was 24 hours before I had to provide my answer and I was going to go ahead and call my future boss to accept and not waste another day. But I knew I couldn’t do it.
I looked at Thomas as I was going to call him, and just started crying, and said I couldn’t do it. I thought it was a mistake. He asked if I was 100% sure and I said yes. And he said he agreed (which I was later upset with him for not saying anything, but I get why as he was being supportive…he thought I wanted it…blah blah blah).
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such relief in my life. Like a weight had been lifted. I’ve always wanted to go off on my own but I think deep down I never thought I actually would. But I knew if we did this…if we moved across the country….that it would be the end of something I had been working on nights and weekends for 10 years to do. My tiny little freelance business would be over because I wouldn’t know anyone in Arizona to shoot. And while I could still do design work, the type of job I was going to accept…there wouldn’t be time for it. And I had also hit my limit in life of working 2 jobs with now being a mother. I’ve worked 2 jobs my entire adult life. I’m done with it.
Once my ugly cry was finished, I called to decline the offer and told him the honest truth. That if I didn’t have this little dream of mine that I’ve always wanted to do, I would have accepted. But I knew if I moved, if I took another corporate job…that would be it. If I didn’t do it now, at 33 years old, I’d never do it.
For those of you who follow me…thats what this post was all about
At the same time of all of this…was my birthday. Thomas kept telling me to think of what I wanted to do, but this job/move was all consuming. I didn’t want to do anything. I was stressed, tired of being stressed, just plain tired, and had a little bit of the mommy blues. I told him I just wanted to do a nice dinner and be done with it. Nothing big.
But my friends being the wonderful people they are, rallied together to surprise after me dinner. They ate at the restaurant next door, and we all got to enjoy some adult beverages and catch up. Once I saw everyone, I realized how all consuming and introverted I had become..and how much I missed my friends.
But once the decision about Arizona was made…things started to shift in our house. Thomas and I were filled with an excitement and fire we hadn’t had in a while. I was finally doing this. I was going off on my own come summer of 2017. We began plotting and planning and after much debate, we decided to sell our house in Decatur and move OTP (outside the perimeter aka city for you non-Georgians). More to come on that later….
We also decided we had to get our act together as parents and stop just “figuring” it out. We had to get a plan. We got into a groove and a schedule, and Miss Reagan responded pretty well to it. I will say the Moms on Call Method was pretty similarly to what she was doing already, we just had to stick to it!
Reagan and I also did a few firsts of our own in February – I took her to Maggie’s shower and it was our first “big” outing together by ourselves. She was around about 30 women and she did phenomenally. She let everyone hold her and didn’t fuss at all the whole 4 hours we were there.
We also went and had our first girls lunch with Lauren and Harper (who was born about 3 weeks before Reagan).
Reagan was pretty much living on the floor these days. All she did was kick kick kick and roll around the house. We ended up moving our coffee table out of the way and our living room was officially the baby playground with toys amuck and a carpeted area for little princess to roll to her hearts content.
And of course there were these sweet moments (my phone died and I lost most of my videos…SO SAD…so have to link to instagram).
And lets not forget the Falcons lost in the most epic loss in Super Bowl History….but this photo is still the sweetest.
Here’s some other snapshots of February. All in all, what started as a super stressful month (I’m seriously so tired of saying I’m stressed, I promise its going to stop…well I hope its going to stop haha). But it ended up being a bit of a dream honestly.