Baby W – 2nd Trimester
When everyone says that the 2nd trimester is the like the honeymoon of pregnancy, they are SO right. You do start to feel a little like yourself again. For me, that was my fatigue subsiding and being able to actually be awake more than 4 hours at a time. I was lucky in that I only had morning sickness a couple of times the first trimester, I just had a sensitive stomach and was sensitive to smells. I did have to start the morning off with a bagel…every day. It was the only thing I could stomach my first trimester (and did I mention how much I forgot I missed having bread in the house)? But my 2nd trimester…I kind of got fed up.
Having my energy back (or at close to normal as possible) was fantastic considering I had a crazy busy 2nd trimester in regards to work (I had 11 flights in those 12 weeks). ELEVEN. The perk of that was I at least got to see my BFF on the west coast. We met in Culver City and had a great night of catching up and ranting about all things pregnancy – the main beef (and I knew Amanda would 100% have my back on this one) – all the CRAP no one tells you about being pregnant.
I started reading the books and the blogs that you’re supposed to read and after about 3 weeks of digesting completely conflicting information, I decided to stop. I had a bit of a full plate (remember those 11 flights? And working a full time job? And running my freelance business? And starting a workshop series? and just being…pregnant??) #aintnobodygottimeforthat. I can tell you that each trimester my approach/mood regarding pregnancy has changed.
The first trimester, I was really just trying to get a grip on reality – we were going to be parents – which is such a joyous feeling but in the same token it makes you think “oh shit” as well (everyone feels that way and you’re lying if you didn’t). You can’t help but think about all the things that you wanted to do, all the things you thought you’d do before having kids. Am I financially stable enough? Did I travel enough? What about my career, things are really starting to take off? OR I’m not where I wanted to be in my career yet! Am I mature enough?
(By the way, the answer is probably no to all of those questions. And thats 100% ok. That concept alone takes about 3 months minimum to come terms with.) Thomas went from a salaried and commissioned job to a completely 100% commissioned job in a new field the day before we found I was pregnant. So TRUST. We know how it feels to have your whole world completely rocked. You’ll get through it, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong for being terrified more than overjoyed your first trimester.
The second trimester, I was pissed. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Yes I was over the moon excited I was expecting a baby, but I was not into this whole being pregnant thing and for many many reasons.
I couldn’t work out, which if you know me is something that’s just a part of me. This went beyond the physical need to workout, it was 100% mental. I need the mental release working out provided me. I had 2 ways I coped with stress in the past. I would either binge drink my face off or I would physically and mentally push my body until I was forced to relax and had so many endorphins flowing, I was feeling on top of the world. Well since I clearly couldn’t do Option A anymore, Option B would have been AWESOME to do. But I couldn’t.
And here’s where we can get into the complexities of the cattiness of women.
I am lucky that I’m (mostly) surrounded by nothing but supportive women in my life. But of course you come across those people who shove their opinions down your throat even though you never asked for it (and thats another gem of being pregnant – everyone’s got some life advice for you – just prepare yourself). And the whole “how much weight did you gain” topic is something some catty wenches LOVE to talk about. Well I only gained blah blah pounds during my pregnancy and I worked out blah blah blah times a week.
Well GREAT for you sweetie. But we’re not all cut from the same cloth. The irony at this point in my life is I started these workshops called “Be Free” with my friend Mindy at the end of 2015, and the whole basis is creating a supportive environment for women. I LOVE these workshops. They seriously make me feel like I’ve got 30 Beyonce’s herself backing me up when I leave them. And yet, there is this huge chunk of my life where I’m now judged by everyone I come across.
- If you only gained the minimum amount of weight and worked out every single day of your pregnancy – Bravo girl, pat yourself on the back.
- If you gained 10000000 lbs and just tried to survive the hormones, the physical and mental changes, and barely made it out with your life – Freaking ‘atta girl, you did it.
Neither one is better than the other. And the women who make it a competition – maybe its the hormones, but I physically want to hurt anyone who makes a pregnant woman feel inferior about herself.
So yeah there was the lack of working out, the need from everyone to chime in on how your handling your pregnancy, the fact that I could no longer sleep comfortably (and I woke up at 4am every day for 3 weeks) and then some other medical things that I’ll share when I post about our third trimester in a few weeks. But the 2nd trimester for us, was just a really stressful time, with work, our personal life, financially figuring out how to pay for having a baby (oh and there was the gem of a problem where Piedmont, our medical practice and hospital, dropped our insurance…that was fun to have to deal with).
But all that stress and all that frustration, it started to go away when I felt our baby girl kick for the first time. Its the MOST incredible thing thats ever happened to me. Up until that point, I felt inferior as a woman like I was missing something. I didn’t have this incredible bond with my baby yet. I didn’t honestly feel anything. I knew I was pregnant obviously, but really all that meant for me at that point was that I was getting fatter, that I couldn’t consume alcohol or the foods I enjoy, that I couldn’t workout heavily, and I was just overall uncomfortable. What a selfish person was I for not having this overwhelming love consume me when I thought about my baby?
That was the part that bothered me the most. And then I finally started meeting some women who felt the same way. Its not something that a lot of people talk about, but it was something that really rocked me. Thats maybe why there weren’t a ton of belly pics taken (thats a lie, I’m just incredibly lazy and I’m still not really taking them). But I do think that’s why I didn’t post about the baby that often the first half of the year on social media. I would look at other pregnant women and they’d talk about it much more often than I would. So what was wrong with me?
But with each kick and each flip she’s done, she’s put back into focus what really matters – having a healthy happy baby with the love of my life. And the one thing I’ve learned this year about me, about pregnancy, and just about life in general…there’s no right or wrong way to do things. And if you have a plan laid out for how you think your life is going to go – Life doesn’t care about your plans. You can (and should) have goals. But you need to be flexible about changing your “plan” with what life throws at you. I started to learn that when it monsooned at our wedding, but 2016 really drilled that point home for us this year.
Just be a good human. Be kind. Be patient. And you do you the way you want to. Everyone else can mind their own business 🙂